How to be an Evil Character in Battle City
by Chibi Nakoruru
Summary: The title says it all. Please excuse the formating. My computer doesn't like me...


How to be an Evil Bad Guy during Battle City  
  
It's much easier to be an EBGBC (Evil Bad Guy during Battle City) than it sounds...Especially if you can get advice from people who already are. Warning: this is mostly because of writer's block.  
  
By: Chibi Nakoruru  
  
Chapter 1: Yami Bakura, Malik and Yami Malik  
  
Disc: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh!, the bad guys would kick Yami's ass!!  
  
Yami Bakura says: Have the most innocent-looking host body ever. Use said host bodies cuteness to get everything you want that's to big too steal. Oh, yes, take what ever you what. Steal the souls of the police and all witnesses in the unlikely event you get caught. Be a tomb-robber! The stuff you swipe from tombs will be worth millions more than anything else. Have a slightly laugh-inducing voice. That way your victims will be too busy laughing to see you rip them off. Then summon Duel Monsters and scare the shit out of them. Be very happy when people are frightened. Or in pain. That way, you will feel like you're playing when you are being evil. See into people's souls and use that information to scare them even more. You NEED shiny stuff, pointy stuff, and the Sennen Items. I love my Sennen Ring! It's all three and full of evil powers!! ^_____________^ Torture the mortal fools who get in your way. Sit in a tree and fling lit matches at anyone unfortunate enough to walk by. Especially old mortals!! BE the Darkness!! It's even more fun than a torturing spree. Mmm...torturing spree... Blood is yummy...Drink the blood of innocent people. Read MANY vampire novels to get ideas. Damn! Just thinking about it makes me thirsty. Team up with Malik. Give him cookies so he will tell you where the Sennen Items are. Remember, hair cuts are bad! They want to take away your gorgeous hair. Have creepy eyes. Preferably red! Red is good...like blood. Drink and if someone tells you to stop, beat the shit out of them. Swear whenever and at whoever you want!!  
  
Malik Says: Shall the Pharaoh show up, he is your main meat to grind no matter what. Shall everyone blame you for everything that goes wrong, congratulations you've the best evil. Your hair must be a little long. Bonus points if its silky and pale. Like mine. ^_^ You must wear a light-colored sleeveless short shirt, black jeans and lot of jewelry. Shall anyone call you a "girly man" you must spend them to the SHADOW REALM! You must have the most dangerous looking Sennen Item. Naturally, the enemy will a Sennen Item, but theirs will be much cuter. And they will also have NO clue how to use their power. Never let them forget it! You must have an unbelievably painful past because of the (hero.( People will be sympathetic and mercilessly bash your enemies...Thank you, my many fangirls. I will reward you greatly once I rule the world. Ride on a shiny motorcycle. ^_____________^ Lift weights in your spare time. That gives you the strength to easily beat up those who call you (girly man.( But don(t over-do it. People must underestimate you. You must look too thin and unfed. People, mostly girls, will give you yummy cookies! You have three missions: give the Power of the Pharaoh, destroy the former Pharaoh/his runt of a vessel, and get all the cookies in the world. You must use others to get what you want. The cops will go after your slave not you. If you cannot bribe, confince, or offer a get enough reward to make someone help you-you must promptly brainwash them. Shall your slave break free, they are your second meat to grind. Flirt with your enemy(s boy/girlfriend. They will give you information. Shall they ask you out, be sure to go somewhere your enemy frequents. Hunt squirrels and pideons with high powered weoponry. I prefer an M-16 with a grenade laucher attached. I would like to thank all the little people I walk all over so I get what I want...Unfortunately, I don(t know who they are. Nor do I care.  
Yami Malik says: If you must dance, dance robot-style! And if anyone says you look funny, stab them with your Sennen Item's hidden knife. "Borrow" Malik's hunting gun and use it for aforementioned ambushes!! Take away Kaiba's pants then shove him out the door in front of an old hag.  
  
Traumatize the elderly. Nothing works better than screwing your fuck toy on a public train. Have a psycho mission. Write it down so you can never forget how cool it sounds; mine is: Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done. A morning without coffee is like a day without something else. Throw a little pumpkin at some random moron. While they're looking at it, drop a grenade down their shirt!! Eat snow and call it "fuckin' cold sugar." Screw in it. Yes, I am a hentai... Genocide is like a giant dessert...Sweet and satisfying... Blame is for the Gods and small children. If you are not in the mood to leave the house or fuck- play GTA: Vice City, Soldier of Fortune, Resident Evil, and Parasite Eve. Those are just my favorites, any homicidal game is good. Go around like a little god: steal, rape, spill blood, break every law you don't like, and do whatever then Hell you want. Kill a man, and you are an assassin. Kill millions of men, and you are a  
  
conqueror. Kill everyone, and you are a god. If you have the arrogance of a god and can kill like one, then congratulations- you've become one. Enjoy... all the days of this meaningless life... -- all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. Remember: Human beings never think for themselves... For the most part, members of that species simply repeat what they are told--and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity... They are stubborn, self-destructive conformists. Any other view of the species is just a congratulatory delusion. Say "fuck you" a lot.  
  
~End of Chapter 1~  
  
Chibi Nakoruru: YEEEEEEEEEAH!! Another ficcie! ^o^ Yami Malik: Fuck you. Chibi Nakoruru: I know you want me...but Malik's better. *blush* ^____^ Yami: In your other fic you where mean to him... Chibi Nakoruru: *puff sigh* ...I only made him wake up, 'cause my story will be pointless if all he did was sleep. Yami: Then I will fetch Malik so you can say that to his face! Chibi Nakoruru: NO! He's taking a nap! Yami: So? *goes over to wake up Malik* Chibi Nakoruru: *hits Yami on the head with a random shovel* I SAID NO!! Now O-U-T! Get out Yami! I hate you!! I hate you!! I HATE YOU!! Malik: *wakes up 'cause he's not tired anymore* *stretches a little* 'Morning. *sees Chibi Nakoruru chasing Yami with a shovel* ^O^ Nail his BIZACH! Yami: O.O *screaming like a scared little girl* Yami Malik: Buahahahahahahahaha!! Random Talking Cat: Read and review, humans. Suggest people for the next chapter, too. 


End file.
